How to Relate

Look For LoveThe love letter that will have you believing in love again Couples therapists see the most intimate parts of relationships. We see intense arguments, deep pain of prolonged relational ambivalence, silly disagreements that have us asking, "Seriously?" We also see beautiful moments where one person expresses feelings that the other had no idea they were feeling. We see genuine care when two people look at each other, telling them how much they appreciate each other. We see laughter...

Kairos: Growth, Grief, and Gratitude In Greek, the word Kairos means "the right or critical moment for decision or action." (Side note: If you attended Catholic school, you might know Kairos as a high school four-day retreat and defined as "God's Time." This is different.) Life gifts us with moments, whether they are built in time, such as New Year's or birthdays, or in pivotal moments that induce life-altering decisions. These moments arrive whether we're ready or not, looking for them or...

Three things everyone has been talking about this summer: An affair exposed at a Coldplay concert Elon and Trump's friendship breakup Will the Epstein files finally be released? It makes sense why these viral topics are the talk of the summer. Who doesn't enjoy a juicy story, conspiracy theory, or flashy news headline? It's natural to gravitate towards entertaining news headlines. I do wonder what it means for us in this current moment to feel united by a series of unfortunate events. What...

One Conversation Changes Everything I'm not happy. I love you. I'm quitting. I cheated. I'm leaving. We're pregnant. I need help. I'm hurt. Marry me. We're moving. I'm sorry. I got you. How Everything Changes. Everything changes once it's said out loud. How many statements, fewer than three words, change the course of life? Then, like a movie montage, we mentalize the culmination of past life events that have led to life-altering words. We think of the times we were hurt and times of...

"If I love the other person, I feel one with him or her, but with him as he is, not as I need him to be as an object for my use." Erich Fromm Over the weekend, I saw the movie Materialists with a therapist friend who's also navigating the rough currents of the dating pool. We laughed over the ridiculousness of how it sounds when potential romantic partners become boiled down to superficial attributes. Matchmaker Lucy, played by Dakota Johnson, discusses clients the same way a broker discusses...

Against All Reason: The Love Drug "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind." A Midsummer Night's Dream, Shakespeare Love stories from the dawn of Shakespeare have shaped how we view love. A romantic connection has us rooting for the characters, even when we know their flaws. Chemistry fuels passion like air igniting a flame. Obstacles have us on the edge of our seats, wondering how they will make this work. Just like Jack Morin's erotic...

Mating in the Metacrisis ReflectionsBridging Connections Amidst Societal Crisis To me, Esther Perel is the Taylor Swift of therapy culture. While attending the Mating in the Metacrisis event, Esther sat two feet in front of me, and I fangirled silently in a cool, nonchalant way, of course. The event hosted over 600 in-person relationship professionals and 2,000 virtual attendees. The in-person energy enhanced the experience, capturing the essence of the event- the ambiguous loss of a society...

What's Happening with Young Men? In all honesty, this was difficult to write because there's a lot here, and it's only scratching the surface. I can almost hear people ask, "Why should I care? Men have been in power and succeeded in society for so long, they're the privileged ones." Here's the answer: men's issues and social justice are not mutually exclusive. The statistics here are scary, especially if you have boys and men in your life that you care about. The goal of this is to bring men...

The ACT of Feeling How to Accept Feelings and Make Changes My teenage self would say, "I don't have feelings." This laughably untrue statement led me to believe that being strong equated to "not feeling." In truth, I had so many emotions and couldn't differentiate my feelings from another person's. Emotions are the gateway to accessing information inside oneself; neglecting them meant neglecting me (sound familiar?). Needless to say, I changed tune upon entering the social work field, years...

Communication: It's a Symptom, Not the Problem What's Underneath? "We don't know how to communicate." "We're constantly fighting." "Talking about (XYZ) topic goes nowhere." "We don't know what to say." "I don't want to talk about it." "We need to communicate better" often becomes the blanket statement that lands couples in therapy. Given the copious amount of books, seminars, podcasts, and social media therapists who give direct communication strategies, is the problem really that we don't...