Being Vulnerable About Being Vulnerable

​

What is the life lesson you keep having to learn over and over again? In times of change, hardship, or wandering in confusion about the meaning of life, I come back to this question. Reflecting on this question currently, my answer is vulnerability. Vulnerability describes an openness for others to see the fullness of the human experience. It's a cornerstone of intimacy or into-me-you-see.

​

What comes up when you think about a close person in your life seeing into your emotional experience? The image that comes to mind is an emotional fishbowl where you feel emotionally exposed, and all you want are blinds and curtains to cover up as if to say, "Nothing to see here. Everything's fine." There's a secret price to being consistently "fine." Ignoring pain comes with foreboding joy. Neglecting ourselves of being able to receive empathy erodes deeper connection and genuine belonging. How do we begin?

​

Three words come to mind with the path to vulnerability: challenges, curiosity, and courage.

Challenges. Another term could be cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions help us intellectualize, reason, and bargain with ourselves to avoid being vulnerable. Here's how they might look:

• "Why bother being vulnerable when I can handle it myself?" (Intelletcutalizing Independence)
• "I'm not going to dwell on the hard stuff and bring it up to people over and over again." (Straw Man)
• "If I'm vulnerable, I'll be hurt and disappointed by others." (Future Predicting)

Curiosity. To overcome our internal challenges as to why vulnerability matters, we need to get curious with ourselves. Why do we choose these defenses? What are we protecting in ourselves? Fears will guide us to move away from vulnerability. Understanding our fears is necessary for moving toward meaningful connections.

Courage. Courage stems from understanding our fears and taking action despite them. It takes courage to be emotionally in touch with ourselves and others. Emotional understanding builds empathy, the essential element of relational understanding. Vulnerability requires giving, receiving, and sharing with others for authentic connection.
​

Reflections:

• What are your strategies to avoid emotional exposure? Do you identify as the one who continuously helps others but refuses help in return? Do you get into moods but refuse to talk about what's really going on? Or do you stuff it down, resulting in your body experiencing emotional pain as a physical manifestation?
• When it comes to vulnerability, what do you fear might happen? Getting in touch with fears often gives indicators for hidden emotional needs. For example, if I fear being vulnerable might hinder my sense of independence, I may truly need an enhanced sense of connection.
• How do you want to show courage in vulnerability? What is one thing that feels accessible outside of your normal relational comfort zone? Maybe when a friend asks how your day is going, rather than saying "Good, and yours?" You respond with a more robust answer. Vulnerability does not mean only sharing struggles or stressors. Sharing goals, dreams, and aspirations formulate meaningful connections in courageous ways.

​
​

Courageously Yours,

Brittani

​