Dear Wendy, You Matter Too

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Growing up, one of the family's favorite movies was Peter Pan and the adaptation Hook, starring Robin Williams. The movie Hook follows Peter Banning, Robin Williams’ character, who is an attorney and workaholic with no patience or time for his wife and children. When Captain Hook kidnaps his children, Tinker Bell convinces Peter he needs to save them. By recalling his adventures, tapping into his imagination, and evoking the carefree innocence of childhood, Peter saves his children. The tales of Peter Pan tap into our imaginations, taking us back to the wonder of a child’s mind. The original story serves as a reminder that youthful innocence is sacred; the Hook adaptation reminds us that playfulness remains a core human need as adults.

The Famous Lost Boy. In the original story, Peter Pan states he “hates mothers,” yet chooses Wendy, the oldest daughter and maternal figure, as his adventure companion. Wendy grapples with her fear of losing her imagination and childlike nature as she accepts her maturing role. The interplay of these characters reflects familiar figures from our modern cultural zeitgeist.

Peter Pan lives for adventure, defies rules (including gravity), and creates love triangles with the females in his life, with no acknowledgement. His forgetfulness keeps his youth and innocence alive as he refuses to recognize hardships. One thing grounds Peter, his shadow. His shadow represents all he suppresses, forcing him to witness its existence. Wendy sewing Peter’s shadow back to him represents all that he’s been ignoring that she takes on as her responsibility. For every lost boy, there’s a Wendy wanting desperately for him to see what he’s intentionally overlooking.

Adventures serve as a human need along with its counterpart, security. However, in an age where adventure, escapism, and endless choice have become the norm, do we need a different calling? 2025 was the year the Lost Boys research swept Western culture with jarring statistics regarding the well-being of young men. Can we talk about lost boys without talking about the women they’re surrounded by? What’s happening for all of the Wendy Darlings?When I think of Wendy, I think of:

• The mom who desperately wants her son to get off the couch and stop playing video games, but doesn’t want to upset him or be a nag.
• The wife who wishes her husband would give up the golf weekend with the boys because they haven’t gone on a trip together in forever.
• The daughter who wishes her dad would remember that he’s the adult in their relationship, so she doesn’t have to be the family middle manager.
• The girlfriend who wishes her boyfriend would have an honest conversation about where their life is headed, but doesn’t want to seem too needy.
• The woman whose men in her life do as they please without regard, and wonder, “When is it my turn?”

Wendy is often mischaracterized as someone who doesn’t know how to play, yet it’s quite the contrary. She has big dreams, a sense of wonder and awe, and a wild imagination. This is why she is attracted to Peter Pans. We’re often attracted to people whose qualities give us access to parts of ourselves we manage or suppress. Wendy deeply understands lost boys because she sees their potential, which requires imagination. Peter’s sense of adventure overshadows Wendy’s because it’s his strongest quality. To maintain symbiosis in a relationship, one needs to hold on to a sense of security when the other refuses to.

Wendys aren’t praised for their fun-loving adventurous side; they’re praised for their needlessness in relationships. In a culture that values independence, this trait appears admirable. Yet it stems from feeling unrecognized for her dreams, fantasies, and ideas, the vulnerable parts of who she is. When others need the spotlight, Wendys make for a great audience until they resent dimming their light for others to shine. What’s a Wendy to do when she takes on the role of stage manager in the lost boys’ show?

Dear Wendy, Shine Your Light. For all the Wendy Darlings- it’s not easy being misunderstood by those around you. Resentments land us between a rock and a hard place, fueling anger, hurt, and bewilderment both toward others and ourselves. Wendys can feel like they’ve abandoned their playful side to fulfill the needs of life’s demands. It can feel scary to let go of the weight of the responsibilities of those around you. Who would be the adult in the room? You can be both the adult in the room who lets joy and play shine through. Give invitations for those around you to understand you by making your needs matter.

Small doses go a long way:

Get in touch with your imaginative, playful, creative side through your hobbies and activities- make them a priority.

Let others help, even if it’s not the way you would complete the tasks.Share a story and relish others' engagement; you’re allowed to have attention.

Be the one to initiate an adventure; you already have it in you.

Ask for what you need; your needs matter.

Will these changes encourage the lost boys around you to find themselves? Maybe, maybe not. But it’s not your sole job to be the one who leads the way when others are lost.

Let your spirit soar, Wendy.

Remember...

"To live would be an awfully big adventure," Peter Pan, Hook. ​
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Live Your Awfully Big Adventure,

Brittani
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