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Kairos: Growth, Grief, and Gratitude

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In Greek, the word Kairos means "the right or critical moment for decision or action." (Side note: If you attended Catholic school, you might know Kairos as a high school four-day retreat and defined as "God's Time." This is different.) Life gifts us with moments, whether they are built in time, such as New Year's or birthdays, or in pivotal moments that induce life-altering decisions. These moments arrive whether we're ready or not, looking for them or avoiding them, or when we simultaneously least expect them and hope for them. These moments may be as simple as hearing how someone we love appreciates us, embracing warmth in our hearts. They may also come in challenging decisions, forcing us to choose between a rock and a hard place. Kairos gives us opportunities, even when we're not asking for them.

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Kairos occurs amid uncertainty and causes uncertainty. You may have experienced times when:

• You realize you're in the wrong relationship and can't unsee it.
• Begin to feel the weight of work stress bearing down on you until you decide to stay or go.
• You feel the all-encompassing feeling of love between you and your significant other
• The pain of a habit has caught up to you, leading you to contemplate change
• You begin to contemplate your relationship with spirituality and choose to make a change

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Growth, grief, and gratitude entangle whenever these opportunities arise. Friction generates growth. It comes with excitement, fear, and anticipation. Whenever therapy clients begin "doing the work," they'll often say, "I'm excited and nervous." Growth alters our sense of self, resulting in relational changes. Grief comes with change. Whether we're ending a romantic relationship, changing a habit such as drinking, leaving a friendship circle, religious community, or cutting ties with family members, we all have experienced grief associated with growth. We hold the complexities of taking action toward what is best for ourselves, and the sadness associated with endings. Gratitude holds space for appreciation of our past and hope amid uncertainty. While we can feel pain, anger, sadness, and ruminations, a gratitude practice provides medicinal relief that eventually changes our disposition.

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Opportune moments encourage creativity. Ignoring opportune moments leads to chronic stuckness. Pain in staying the same happens to all of us, it's not a character flaw, it's a human trait of wanting predictability. How many people do you know- including yourself- have stayed in a situation longer than necessary? Change in accordance with insight is an art form: it's messy, beautiful, and intimate. Growth gives us a canvas to paint a different picture, forcing us to slow down, introspect, and try various techniques. Jesuit priest and psychotherapist Anthony De Mello wrote: "Meaning is only found when you go beyond meaning. Life only makes sense when you perceive it as mystery and it makes no sense to the conceptualizing mind." Lean into the mystery.

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Turn the lens on you:

• If you're in a season of feeling stuck, what have you been ignoring?
• When have you experienced Kairos? What moments have you experienced that led to reflection, a life-altering perception, or an imperative decision?
• How have you experienced the intersection of growth, grief, and gratitude in your life? What wisdom have you gleaned from these experiences?

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In Growth,

Brittani