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How to Relate

Mating in the Metacrisis Reflections


Mating in the Metacrisis Reflections
Bridging Connections Amidst Societal Crisis

To me, Esther Perel is the Taylor Swift of therapy culture. While attending the Mating in the Metacrisis event, Esther sat two feet in front of me, and I fangirled silently in a cool, nonchalant way, of course. The event hosted over 600 in-person relationship professionals and 2,000 virtual attendees. The in-person energy enhanced the experience, capturing the essence of the event- the ambiguous loss of a society living online, uncertainty surrounding the future, and the effects of polarization.

Esther's keynote began with the strain modern relationships experience and summed it up by saying, "You can have 1000 virtual friends and no one to feed your cat." Services have replaced people. We no longer want to ask or "burden" others at the expense of connection and our wallets. Now it's Ubers to the airport, Rover for pets, Doordash rather than going to eat with others, AI companions tell us what we want to hear, Amazon Prime for medicine when we're sick, and swiping for soulmates from our couch. Life has become incredibly convenient and diminishing in connection. Add this to the sesspool called the Internet, and we're in the Metacrisis.

The Metacrisis is defined as the interconnected nature of crises society faces- climate, mental health, politics, inequality- and compounds in complexity each day. When we're consuming the intimate details of people's lives, political schisms, cut-off relationships, and deep polarization of the red vs blue, we can't ignore the forceful negative impacts on relational, societal, and individual well-being.

Where do we begin? This question feels overwhelming even to begin to answer. I often turn to the Serenity Prayer whenever I'm faced with feelings of powerlessness or overwhelm.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference."

Whether you believe in God, Buddha, or the Universe, these three elements help whenever "I don't know what to do" comes up. Serenity represents an act of surrendering what's not in our control. Courage requires acting brave when we're afraid. Wisdom comes when we put in the reps.

Turn the lens on you:

When do you find yourself stuck in a story? You might get stuck in narratives such as:

  • How could you vote that way?!
  • How could you think that?!
  • Why don't you listen?
  • How could you be so ignorant?
  • Why are you so judgmental?
  • You always/never...

The Metacrisis refers to the all-encompassing nature of worldly perils impacting relational well-being. Whether we're stuck with family members and their political differences, spouses with their endearing *cough* irritating qualities, or friends who have disappointed us, these stories indicate a pain point occurring inside ourselves. Questions to ask when stuck in a story:

  • What is the narrative you find yourself stuck in?
  • What's the pain point I'm experiencing in this story?
  • What do you need to surrender for serenity?
  • What qualities do you appreciate about the other person?
  • How can you accept those around you for who they are without trying to change them?

We're living in a shattered system, but we can bridge together wholeness one connection at a time.

Metacrisis to Connection,

Brittani

How to Relate

Grateful to have you! I'm Brittani, a relationship therapist, yogi, writer, runner, and latte lover. Each week you'll receive thought-provoking letters written to generate insights toward creating resilient, intimate, fulfilling relationships.

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