The Erosion of Intimacy

And what to do about it...

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We live in a world where we can have anything we want at our fingertips. You are just one tab or app away from making any purchase you wish, buying the flight for an exotic trip, reading the anger/anxiety-provoking news, watching your favorite influencer's morning routine, or reading through another "urgent" email. (All of this being said, I'm grateful that you're here reading this). Excessive accessibility has made life easy. However, distraction, delaying gratification, and impulsive use of technology add a different layer of problems. More people suffer from a lack of deep focus, feel the need to respond to each notification that comes through, and children physically interact less with one another. All of these distractions erode intimacy: into me, you see. We're deluding ourselves with a false sense of significance. Intimacy with one another involves deeper emotional and thoughtful understanding, which applies in relational and individual contexts. How do we adapt in the age of instant gratification?

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A Digital Audit Exercise (You'll Probably Despise). When you think about your day, how much time do you spend behind a screen? When you get home, how much time do you spend on your phone, watching television, or continuing to work? Now think about when you put your phone on do not disturb (DND). I often hear people say they put their phones on DND during the day to stay focused, but home is when they catch up on Reddit, Youtube, and maybe more email. If we have all of these productivity tools to save time and then use more time to catch up on more tasks, what kind of time are we trying to preserve? The erosion of intimacy breaks down when we neglect our partners for the need to feel productive or important elsewhere. Boundaries define where one ends and another begins; this includes our relationship with our phones.
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Igniting Intimacy. Intimacy, in essence, includes physical, emotional, and thoughtful components. Igniting intimacy involves intention in these three categories. We're either moving towards or away from intimacy with everything we do. If we send the message that whatever is on our phone is more important than talking during dinner, we're eroding time for connection. Understandably, moments that move away from intimacy because of deadlines, sick family members, or another of life's curveballs get thrown our way. However, if we're not putting effort towards closeness, our relationships will lack the capacity to withstand hard times. Setting boundaries around screen time endorses time you could spend talking about the book you're reading, your dream vacation, or cuddling in silence. Intimacy translates to into me, you see, or into messy. Like art and nature, intimacy contains wondrous beauty and painfully messy moments. Resilient relationships strengthen by straddling paradoxes.
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Insights Into Action

What would you do if you turned your phone off for an hour each night? Get creative!

What areas of intimacy do you find yourself starving for?

• Physical- sexual, cuddling, sensual, non-sexual touch, playfulness, dancing
• Thoughtful- intellectual stimulation, dreams, aspirations, desires
• Emotional- diving deep into vulnerability, exposing parts of you that have stayed hidden, asking about wants and needs, highs and lows, how you're actually doing

Pick one thing you can do that's outside your norm. Make it simple, such as going for a walk, seeing live music, or enjoying the sunset. Make the moments count.

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Turn down artificial intelligence and enhance your connection.
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Intimately,

Brittani

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